It's funny how old stuff surfaces again and we have to deal with it in a newer, or bigger, or different way.
Many of you know I'm empathic/empathetic. To many that means I'm too sensitive. To me, it's a gift. I can pick up nuance that others may not notice. It helps me move with the flow of life.
The downside is that when someone in the room is angry, my energy-field/nervous-system picks it up and may resonate with it. If I'm not aware that this energy is someone else's I may start to feel irritated myself. Then two of us are mad.
It's come up lately - time for a closer look. So I dug into my notes and found I had a pretty decent outline of what I wanted to explore. Here it is:
Being Empathic
The traits of being empathic/empathetic:
Sensitivity to external stimuli.
This means you can feel what others feel as though it's happening to you.
You pick up people's moods, and even the mood of the room or building or space.
Even TV shows can feel personal.
You can have strong gut feelings, intuitive, telepathic or psychic powers.
These are often carried on emotional energy.
This is not the same as Sensory Processing Disorder,
and not the same as Hypersensitivity,
which can look a lot the same if you don't have strong emotional coping strategies.
You may perceive many subtle things that others miss or ignore.
This is one reason why some environments can feel overwhelming.
You were likely born with a genetic tendency to this,
and developed more in childhood due to family dynamics.
How it feels from inside:
Without good coping strategies:
Overwhelming: with too many feelings demanding your attention it feels like 17 people are standing right next to you and yelling and you have to hear what the guy across the room is saying.
Stressful.
It can even feel painful, like nerves are jangling.
How it appears to others:
It depends on your coping strategies
Introverted.
Creative.
Love of nature: forests, animals, birds, the sea, the rock under us, even the wind.
Interest in spirituality.
Need for a lot of down-time.
This can lead to:
Anxiety and all the other problems that can go along with anxiety, like overeating or self medicating.
A lower tolerance for dishonesty, unfairness, violence or bullying.
Avoidance of public spaces, violent entertainment.
Diseases related to long-term stress (autoimmune, cardio-pulmonary, allergies, asthma etc.).
Exhaustion.
Hindrances to managing it well:
Poor boundaries.
Pride, a need to be in control of life, or perfectionism, or a lot of mental activity.
Poor self-esteem - need for outer approval, an inner feeling that you're not good enough.
Taking ownership/responsibility of what you feel/perceive rather than treating it as information.
Taking an interest in what you notice to the point where it remains with you.
Coping strategies:
Emergency fixes:
Exercises like "snip" and cleansing exercises https://www.janetdane.com/4howto.htm
Walk out, run away.
When sitting in public, keep your back to the wall to limit the direction of sensory input.
Wear sunglasses and/or headphones.
Stop often to get back into your body. Dig your bare feet into the sand or grass.
Do things you find absorbing: running, music, yoga, drawing, solving puzzles - things that require attention and focus.
Give yourself enough time to decompress after an outing.
Long term solutions:
Meditate regularly.
Define boundaries and take action when they are breached.
Learn to love and accept your humanity, weaknesses and strengths.
Take joy in the 100 small pleasures of the day, every day.
Develop a spiritual life of some kind that makes you feel loved and connected.
Practice seeing your perceptions as information only,
without feeling a need to respond, fix or do anything about it. It's just data.
Practice relaxing about feeling stressed or uncomfortable.
Being under stress is enough, don't add to it by worrying about it. It'll pass all by itself.
Be around people who are kind.
Get enough sleep.
How it feels from inside:
With good coping strategies,
it can feel like a joyful, inclusive sense of belonging to something greater.
How it appears to others:
When you have good coping strategies,
you look happy, curious about life, generous of yourself and at ease.
Once you have good coping strategies and practices, you can enjoy the advantages:
You are able to see possibilities and/or patterns that others miss.
You can read a room and see what/who helps the energy flow and what/who hinders it.
You enjoy beauty, subtlety, delicate scents, tastes.
You feel connected to the world.
