When I first started using computers and communicating with strangers via bulletin boards (early 90′s) disagreements often flashed up into total flame wars.
I found it really seductive to get embroiled in the fight.
For a while.
Until one day when I realized the draw was conflict without consequences. I could feel that great juiced-up feeling of battle without the counterbalance of real danger. That wasn't right.
The major combatants wanted the fight. They wanted to fight. They didn't care about the conversation. They weren't there to chat. They were there for the juice of battle.
And battle can be juicy.
In the midst of one particularly juicy battle, I decided to stop being a part of the conversation and watch how eager my mind was to participate. It was eager. But the longer I lurked, the easier it got.
Until I realized that lurking is still participating. I was still caught up in the fight.
So I did the next hard thing and stopped paying attention to it altogether. I'd joined that group looking for understanding, conversation, friendship. I got battle. So I left.
Offline I found the same thing. A neighbour loved introducing controversial topics when friends gathered. It took me a while but I eventually realized she was feeding off the conflict. I could see it in her face. This gathering wasn't about bringing people together, it was about stirring things up. It was entertainment, not friendship.
I’m better at spotting trolls now whether they're bots on social media or in-person. And I'm better at walking away now - or blocking, muting or otherwise using my twit filters. The juice that might have fired me up in those flame wars never could hold up. That kind of energy isn't honest. It's superficial.
There are other deeper ways of raising good energy, ways that sustain me better than any flame war.
