Janet's 5 Rules of "NO"

Janet's 5 Rules of "No." 

1. "No," without apology.
2. "No," without explanation.
3. "No," without leaving room for negotiation.
4. "No," without fear of consequences.
5. "No," without hard feelings.

Here's why.

1. No apology. I am the best judge of what I'm up for at any given time. I give when I have it to give. I don't when I don't. I need not apologize for knowing (or figuring out) where my limits are. 
2. No explanation. Adding an explanation can mean I'm trying to justify my refusal. See rule 1. Knowing what my limits are is reason enough.
3. No room for negotiation. If I follow my refusal with "But if you're really really stuck..." that is not saying "No." It's saying "Yes."
4. No fear of consequences. "Will she stop being my friend if I don't agree to her plans?" A true friend may grumble, but remain a friend.
5. No hard feelings. No judgement. I learned this by watching my sister one summer afternoon. She had 4 small kids at home. It was a hot day. The neighbour asked over the fence if she could borrow my sister's wading pool. My sister looked at the pool, thought about her day, and said a kind "No," before moving on to her next task. Nothing added. No emotional load. Just the facts. A simple complete "nope."

First published December 2014 in my free monthly email newsletter, Starry Night. Sign up here.